Tex Rants!

Drummer Will Rock Your Balls To The Wall...You Don'T Even Have a Choice In The Matter

2010-06-04T15:16:00.000-07:00

RAT FARTS!!!!!!!

2010-06-01T12:56:00.001-07:00

Mess With The Bull...(GRAPHIC CONTENT)

2010-05-24T15:39:00.001-07:00

Let me begin by emphasizing how much I detest any human being who tortures,sport hunts, or molests animals in any way shape or form. From the weekend duck hunter to the seasoned traveled big game hunter, to industrial whalers....you're all fags.

While we're on the subject of duck hunters...why the fuck do you need a truck that big to hunt ducks? It's not like they're hard to find. Knock it off. No one is impressed.

Anyway...

Sitting at the top of my list is Bull Fighters. I abhor this activity. It is brutal and pointless. However...it brings me great joy when one of these bedazzled douchebags get's gored. Some if my favorites are as follow:

This guy -

This fella here -

And this Guy - To his credit he wasn't really fighting them. He was just 'running' with them which is just retarded. You are awarded no style points my friend. But at least you have a story to share with your brothers at the World Douche Waffle Headquarters.

But this morning I was greeted to the Queen Mother Bitch of all kick ass photo's of some prancing jackass who done got gored in the throat. It can be summed up in one word;

Awesome...

Slayer Goes To Church.

2010-05-17T16:40:00.000-07:00

Yes Please.

2010-04-01T10:01:00.000-07:00

Stallone, Arnold, Rourke, Willis, Statham, Jet Li, Terry Crews, Randy F'n Couture, Dolf Lundgren and Stone Cold Steve F'n Austin?!?!?!?!

This is the part where I would show you my "O" face....if you were here.

Epic Beard Man.

2010-02-19T07:24:00.001-08:00

If you have been on the internet for the past few days you have undoubtedly been exposed to the exploits of one bearded white guy in need of a spit-shine and suffering extreme PTSD. What has transpired since has been some of the most entertaining interweb tomfoolery that it has been my pleasure to witness. Consider this a reference page to enjoy the greatest thing to happen on the internet...ever.

Laides and Gentleman...I give you...

Epic Beard Man: The Dawning of an Internet Legend.

What started it all:

The Aftermath:

How To Do The News.

2010-01-29T10:26:00.000-08:00

As a teenager I was actually considering pursuing a career in Journalism but then I realized how much easier it is to just settle for mediocrity and hope for the best. This is America Damn it!

Anyway...had I actually spent the time and money on pursuing the recommendation of one Journalism teacher, (We both know I took your class for the 'Journalism' pass that got me off school property to go smoke weed and hit up taco bell before the lunch rush) and then saw this nifty how to video, I would have been pissed.

I'll stop trying to be clever now...

2010-01-28T11:45:00.001-08:00

I could spend the next hour ranting and rambling on about how much of a huge disappointment the iPad is....but I'd rather let Hitler do it.

Cause I have A Sick Kid At Home & I Know This Will Make Him Feel Better.

2010-01-25T08:58:00.001-08:00

MacGruber Red Band Trailer.

2010-01-19T16:34:00.000-08:00

If you ask me...it's about damn time that an 'upper decker' got some main stream exposure.

Conan O'Brien FTW!!!!

2010-01-12T16:51:00.001-08:00

Kick Ass. The Definitive Trailer.

2010-01-08T12:56:00.000-08:00

I had the new A-Team trailer up for a bit. Then the studio took it down. To be honest, it was a bit of a disappointment anyway. The kept the van and it has Rampage, but other than that it looks to be pretty flat & filled with the same ol-same ol.

So to make up for it I am posting the newest trailer to 'Kick Ass'...which looks to be awesome on a level rarely seen in films these days. I don't mind saying that if my daughter grew up to idolize Hit Girl... I would be totally cool with that.

Good Day.

More Hit Girl Clips:

Hero of the Day.

2010-01-08T09:30:00.001-08:00

This guy just helps gives some legs to one of my long standing theories....

Farts are never not funny.

2009 Best Of: Failure

2010-01-07T13:48:00.000-08:00

Enjoy & Merry New Year.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

The Karate Kid 2010 Trailer.

2009-12-23T11:11:00.001-08:00

There are so many things about this that aggravate me that I almost don't know where to begin. So let's just start with the premise of the movie. A young single black mother moves to China with her son, Dre (Jaden Smith), who gets picked on relentlessly by a group of preteen Asians until a seemingly drunken, mysterious, Chinese janitor (Jackie Chan) beats the crap out of a bunch of kids and then agrees to teach Dre Kung Fu by forcing him remove his clothes and throwing balls at his face, while Dre does his best Matrix impression.

Wow...sounds awesome. Thanks Will Smith. I didn't think you could possibly do anything more retarded than Wild Wild West. You have managed to accomplish that while raping part of my childhood and making me hate your son. Well played sir.

P.S.

You could have just called it "The Kung Fu Kid" and we could have avoided a lot of this. After all, the movie takes place in China and the martial artists in your film are all using forms of Kung Fu...because Kung Fu originated in China and is the traditional martial art of the country. See...right out of the gate you fail and I am assuming you're hoping no one will notice, or that no one will really care. Karate is a Japanese art form you fucking dolt. Remember Mr. Miyagi? Yeah...he was Japanese. He came from Japan and taught a kid from Brooklyn how to beat up on Valley douchebags using his countries traditional Martial Art . As cheesy as the original was at least they had a sense of geography and history. I hate you...

You Will Bow To Techno Jeep!

2009-12-17T13:34:00.000-08:00

I am a fan of random shit. I like to string together sentences simply for the fact that the odds that no one in the history of the written have used them in a particular sequence are in my favor. I had one earlier today in response to an email from an asshole. It went something like this;

"I thank you for taking the time to give me some constructive criticism and in appreciation I would like to present you with this picture of a hedgehog wearing a Vampire Cape."

Not my best work...but you get the idea.

I also enjoy music. All sorts of music as long as it's interesting and as long as it has a point. So today we've learned that I enjoy:

1) Random Shit

2)Interesting Musical Endeavors.

Keeping those two little nuggets of information in mind as I give you this group of people who made a techno song out of actual noises from a Jeep. It took them 2 weeks of rehearsal and 7 hours to get a decent take. It starts off a little slow but pick up around the 1:00 mark and all kidding aside...is pretty fucking cool. Plus you have to give anyone credit who can rock the fuck out with a pair of jumper cables. Fuck your glow sticks son!

Yes Please.

2009-12-17T10:49:00.000-08:00

British Farmer With Lots of Time & Sheep

2009-12-09T11:15:00.000-08:00

I'm going to leave the description intentionally vague.

This Guy Can Make Lesbians Swoon...

2009-12-08T16:39:00.000-08:00

I, like most of you, thought that those recorders they made us play in elementary school we're a waste of my precious time. Well this guy is proof of what can be done when you apply yourself absolutely to something. I have it on good authority that this guy plowed Kenny G's wife while Kenny sat in the bathroom sobbing. When he's not sending a chill down your spine with his wind instrument he's beating vagina away with it.

He's just that awesome.

It Takes a Special Kind Of Asshole...

2009-12-08T12:52:00.000-08:00

I'm a male. As such when a new Victoria's Secret commercial comes along it usually will captivate my attention. There was something familiar about this latest ad however. Somehow I felt as though I had seen it before. The slow walking distance shot blurred by the rising heat of the asphalt. Random chicks posing suggestively on a motorcycle. Unnecessary helicopters, explosion ambivalence...I have been here many times before and I don't like it. I should be enamored with what is on my screen yet I feel nothing but hatred. It takes a special kind of asshole to ruin a Victoria's Secret commercial...and as my subconscious self suspected....Michael Bay is that asshole.

Hitler Learns The Truth.

2009-12-08T10:53:00.001-08:00

Let's Get Back On Track Here!

2009-11-05T19:42:00.000-08:00

It's been a little while...

Please accept my apologies and this link to one of the funnier websites I've stumbled across lately.

www.dontevenreply.com

The guy answers craigslist ads and fucks with people relentlessly. Not only do I approve of this sort of behavior but I strongly encourage it.

Good Day.

-- Post From My iPhone

God's Eye?

2009-05-25T09:27:00.000-07:00

Outside of El Paso, Texas May 23, 2009

Tweets from the Road

2009-05-17T19:39:00.000-07:00

Tuesday May 19th

85mph speed limits kick multitudes of posterior!about 1 hour ago from txt

Baby girl just said "TEXAS!"9 minutes ago from txt

Austin bound.3 minutes ago from txt

Monday May 18th

Over to my left....Mexicoabout 11 hours ago from txt

I'm convinced Terry Funk is my wifes father...seriously.about 11 hours ago from txt

Officially in Texas!about 12 hours ago from txt

Absolutely fascinated with the roadside memorials in the south west.about 1 hour ago from txt

Ahhh....Stevie Ray Vaughn as we drive towards El Paso.24 minutes ago from txt

Texas bound!42 minutes ago from txt

Sunday May 17th

Just pulled into Stafflag, AZ (As Brighton Calls it) Hampton Suite time...bitches. I tweet that lovingly.37 minutes ago from web

We just got our kicks on route 66.about 3 hours ago from txt

Its off to the big hole in Arizona.14 minutes ago from txt

Saturday May 16th

Love explosive diarrea? Try Kelly's grill in Bumfuck,CA, just east of Barstow. Find us inside the Chevron!about 8 hours ago from Tweetie

Arrived at the hotel. Missed the gideon. I will catch one someday.18 minutes ago from txt

We shouldn't have stopped here...this is bat countryabout 1 hour ago from txt

Central California has it going on. Excitement out the ass!about 2 hours ago from txt

Coalinga smells awesome today!about 3 hours ago from txt

Iced coffee & rockstar...To the face!!!about 4 hours ago from txt

East bound & down. Loaded up & truckin...8:54 AM May 16th from txt

An Open Letter To Barry Zito!

2009-05-14T07:28:00.001-07:00

Dear Barry,

I made a habit of tearing into you on a regular basis last season – I posted blogs, I called into KNBR to bitch and moan, I mentioned you in an article I posted here that was read on-air by Ralph B. when Manny in a Giants uniform was still a possibility. Here's the thing: I've always admired you Barry. Your talent is undeniable. You have the hardware and the numbers to prove it. But your performance the last two years with my beloved Giants has been less than stellar ... and there's the whole money issue. But nobody knows that better than you and there is no reason to bring up old shit. I had a jaded outlook coming into this season, and I expected more of the same, but so far this season, the entire team has proved me and the rest of the naysayers wrong. In my opinion the man leading that charge is you – #75. Quite frankly? I feel like a bit of an asshole ... and I couldn't be happier.

I'm a third generation Giants fan Barry. Al Rosen is family. I have bled orange and black my entire life. Those of us who put that much time and energy into anything expect results, even when the outcome is beyond our control. We use faith, and we use hope ... and when neither of those work we bitch on the internet. Most of us do this from a perspective that is clouded by assumption and speculation; most do this forgetting what a humbling and fickle bitch this game can be. As a current player in an amateur league, and playing competitive ball for the first time in almost 12 years, I am reminded of that now on a regular basis. It is this perspective that has given me the clarity to buck the trend of certain Giants fans, bay area sports writers, fantasy analysts, & radio personalities, which is to hold on to whatever negative shit they can because they can't swallow their pride and admit you and the boys are getting it done. It may not be pretty all the time. It may not be what they want to see ... but as long as those 'W's' keep coming, you all just keep on keeping on, and quite frankly – fuck them.

More to the point Barry ... I'm sorry I jumped on that bandwagon in the first place.

Your past five starts, your attitude, your work ethic, your fucking tweets, and the fact that you've taken the time to respond to me personally a few times has turned me around.

You're a good man Barry, a hell of a pitcher and at times a fucking weirdo with questionable taste in loafers and corduroy pants. Most importantly you're a Giant. We're lucky to have ya.

Sincerely,

Marc 'Tex' Terrell

Other Zito Jottings Here:

http://texrantsmlb.mlblogs.com/archives/2008/06/what_the_hell_barry.html

http://texrantsmlb.mlblogs.com/archives/2008/06/dear_barry.html

Here is the response from #75 himself:

BarryZito@tex707 You're a man of integrity. I'll never fault the fans for passion, love or hate. it's the same thing, passion. Thank you

GI Joe Will Suck

2009-05-13T12:30:00.001-07:00

Why must Hollywood continuously take things that I cherished in my childhood and rape them?

Follow the jump to the new GI Joe trailer and behold a vortex of suck that may rival my all time cinematic nemesis...Daredevil.

This movie is not G.I. Joe. It looks like a Halo/X-men/Underwater Naboo City/Michael Bay wanna be, ball of suck. When the fuck did Cobra Commander start wearing a suit and tie? What the fuck is an accelerator suit, and most importantly, where the fuck is Sgt. Slaughter?!?!?!

Personally I blame Ray Park. He seems to be the common factor in all of these. Phantom Menace, X-Men, Mortal Combat Annihilation...They all sucked. Fuck you Ray Park.

Click Here For The Suck!

Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus

2009-05-12T12:57:00.000-07:00

The title pretty much sums it up sans the fact that this film stars Debby Gibson (yes...that Debby Gibson) and Lorenzo Lamas.

Oh.....and just in case you thought an airplane was a safe haven to avoid the wrath of pre-historic ginormous sea creatures, I have some bad news for you.

They fly.

Casey Blake Is a Douche

2009-05-11T14:04:00.001-07:00

Casey Blake Is a Douche

There was a time not too long ago I actually verbalized that I wouldn't mind seeing Casey Blake in a Giants uniform at some point down the road. The guy is clutch, handles his business over in the corner and just reminds me of an all around old school type ball player. This all changed yesterday when I got wind that he mocked Brian Wilson's victory gesture.

At the end of each successful save Wilson crosses his arms and points upward. This is both a testament to his religious faith and a gesture to his late father.

Casey Blake and Wilson had been going at it all weekend. It started with a 13 Pitch war that ended with Wilson the victor via strikeout. Casey then tied things up yesterday taking Wilson deep to tie up the game in extra innings. Brian came back and secured the win after Randy Winn came through with a 2 run single in the 13th.

After he clears the bases Casey took it upon himself to sit in the dugout and mock Wilson. Classy...but then again he is a Dodger.

Here's my beef: If you're gonna pull shit like that at least have the stones to do in front of the guy, and not sitting behind your teammates buried in your dugout thinking in you're in a safe place to be the funny guy at the expense of someone else. In this case...at the expense of someone else's faith and deceased father.

Of course I guess I can understand why Casey did it the way he did it. He's a pussy and this is Brian Wilson. Brian is slightly crazy and would beat Casey Blake's bitch ass up and down Dodger Stadium. This is Brian Wilson who can throw 102mph gas down inside. Well...thanks to the wonderful world of technology someone took this picture and sent it to Wilson's cell phone.

As you might imagine....Brian Wilson is not a happy camper. And I bet Casey is not looking forward to August 10th which is the next time the Dodgers and Giants meet up. They'll be at AT&T Park...and I'm willing to bet Wilson is gonna have a little something for ya.

Manny

2009-05-08T08:00:00.001-07:00

Dear Dodger Fans,

Ahem....

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sincerely,

Marc

P.S.

I would like to officially retract the previous posting. Just pretend it never happened.

Good Day.

Beating A Dead Horse: Why The Giants ...

2009-02-27T07:46:00.001-08:00

Beating A Dead Horse: Why The Giants Need Manny

I’m still holding out. I’m going to wait until the end of Spring Training before I officially cast all hope aside. In my world, Brian Sabean is sitting in a dark room right now and his mind is a raging torrent flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives. (I totally bit that off Blazing Saddles.) How can we come up with the scratch to lock Manny in a 3-year contract? Indeed…

If it weren’t for one individual this wouldn't even be an issue. We would have already locked up Manny before the Dodgers got him. But I will save my Barry Zito bashing until I see how he performs in his first few starts. Granted money is hard to come by these days, but if you want my honest opinion? The Giants need to get it done ‘cause the fans have just about had enough.

When I first heard the rumors that the Giants might make a play for Manny during the off-season, I scoffed at the idea. As a third generation Giants fan, I didn’t want Manny. I didn’t want the theatrics, the temper tantrums, and the media blitz. The hair of the dog would not cure the Bond’s hangover, I thought. Then I watched him swing the bat for LA … and I changed my mind.

Here’s the skinny: the Giants have the pitching to compete with any team in baseball. With Lincecum leading the charge, the addition of Randy Johnson, the return of Noah Lowry, and a retooled bullpen, the boys will bring it. The only problem is we still don’t have anyone to back them up. We got guys that can get on base, the problem is they stay there. We need that bat. Giants fans put a lot of stock into Aaron Rowand last year; he had decent numbers with Philadelphia and they hoped those would carry over. But other Giants fans with more free time on their hands to do their homework, had a feeling that his numbers from the home run friendly Citizens Bank Park would not carry over to the brutality that comes with trying to hit the long ball in the Bay Area. They we’re right. Then there’s Bengie - I love Bengie, I really do. I want to party with the guy, but he has no business hitting clean up; he bottlenecks the rest of the line up. It doesn’t matter if you have speed behind him, he’s not going anywhere fast anytime soon. I shudder when he gets a single because I know in my heart of hearts any ground ball is a guaranteed double play.

Manny solves this problem. If you look back at the Giants season last year, the amount of games they lost by one or two runs is staggering. Frustrating really, when you look at how many base runners they left on. Had we had “that guy,” the guy with the stick, the guy that can give you 35+ homers a year ... I truly believe that last year would have been a whole different story. This year we are poised to make the same mistake.

We look to baseball for hope and escape. As A. Barlett Giamatti once wrote, "It is a game designed for heartbreak." I have been to 14 home games since August 8th 2007, which is also the last time I saw them win at AT&T Park. Most of our games also fell on Barry Zito starts, but we also managed to catch Lincecum in one of his losses. My point is this - I’m done for now. Unless the Giants give me a reason to show up I’m gonna pinch my pennies. It’s not cheap to catch a ball game and I’m tired of paying upwards of $200 a trip to disappoint my family. Frankly I can't afford it this year, and I sure as hell can't justify it. I want to see them win. Maybe that sounds shallow, but that’s the way it goes. I want to see Manny in a Giants uniform, and yeah, I’m willing to pay for it. A lot of other fans feel the same way.

Sabean says he wants to save the money to build on the future of this ball club. Well I got news for ya Brian - you’re not gonna have much of a future with this ball club unless you turn something around. You keep up with this "putting stock in our future" line of thinking, and you're gonna find yourself hurting on ticket sales. You put Manny in that lineup and you put butts in the seats and you'll keep them there. With Manny the Giants can win the Western Division and contend. Without him it's more of the same. Right across the bay we can watch Giambi and Holliday and enjoy cheap all-you-can-eat seats. Honestly ... that sounds good right now. It's gonna sound better come April.

So......I Take It We're F**ked?

2009-02-11T08:13:00.001-08:00

So...remember in one of earlier posts I said I wasn't gonna bitch and moan about my grievances with the stimulus package? I kind of lied. But instead of posting a three page rambling commentary I'm just going to post a video from the Daily Show that does it all for me in a way I just can't.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Clusterf#@k to the Poor House - The Stimulus Package

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Funny Political News
Joke of the Day

W.W.J.D.

2009-02-09T08:42:00.001-08:00

Rock Prophets: By Bill Wasik

Originally published in Harper's Magazine September 24th, 1998.

You’ve all seen the “W.W.J.D.” bracelets and T-shirts that remind teens and adults alike about a good rule of thumb for living a holy life. Many, however, ask themselves these questions: Does Journey know about my battles with the enemy of my soul? Do they understand the fierce temptations that challenge me? Do they have any clue what I am going through–the sorrow, the sadness, the depression that overflow my cup? I’ve been betrayed by a friend, a lover, someone very dear–does Journey understand?

I am here today to tell you that Journey DOES understand. Because, my friend, Journey has been there before.

SITUATION ONE: Gregg and Heather have a picture-perfect marriage. The two are young and wildly successful–Heather is a bank-credit analyst, Gregg a top loafer salesman at a department store. But Heather’s job requires her to work long hours, and Gregg often feels neglected. If she really loves me, he wonders, why is she away from home so much?

It’s the quintessential modern struggle: a two-income family, overworked, always pressed for time. You may wonder how Journey, who walked the Earth so long ago, could relate to a problem like this. But did you know that Journey faced precisely this same dilemma–nearly twenty years ago?

In Frontiers 5, 0:48, they tell the story of a musician, always on the road, and the woman he’s left behind: “They say that the road ain’t no place to start a family. But right down the line, it’s been you and me. And lovin’ a music man ain’t always what it’s supposed to be. Oh girl, you stand by me. I’m forever yoursfaithfully.”

Faithfully. It’s clear that Journey intends a double meaning to this term: faithfulness to the absent spouse, yes, but also faith in Journey–and their power to heal broken relationships.

Devotional meditation: How secure is my faith in Journey? When is it strong? When does it falter?

SITUATION TWO: Alice loves her boyfriend, Sam, deeply. They’ve shared long conversations, walks on the beach, romantic dinners by candlelight. But now Sam is pressuring her to have sexual relations with him, and Alice doesn’t know what to do. She doesn’t feel comfortable having sex before marriage, and someone has told her that Journey thinks it’s wrong.

At many points in the Albums, Journey speaks out strenuously on this subject. And their message is always the same: “Any way you want it–that’s the way you need it.” False prophets who tell you otherwise are leading you astray. Do not pay them heed.

The most striking passage on the topic comes from Departure 1, 0:50: “I was alone–I never knew–what good love could do. Then we touched, and we sang, about the lovin’ things! All night, all night–oh, every night!”

Devotional meditation: Do I love to move? Do I love to groove? Do I love the lovin’ things?

SITUATION THREE: Martin has reached the end of his rope. His happy marriage, his beautiful family, his thriving bakery–none of it means anything to him. At night he finds himself awake, alone, wondering: if all life ends in death, then what’s the point of going on with it?

Journey was no stranger to existential hunger. Escape 1, 2:02, perhaps captures this hunger best of all: “Workin’ hard to get my fill–everybody wants a thrill. Payin’ anything to roll the dice, just one more time. Some will win, some will lose–some were born to sing the blues. Oh, the movie never ends: it goes on, and on, and on, and on.”

In the face of such sorrow and hopelessness, does Journey go on to say that we should give up the fight?

NO!

Instead, we are told to not stop believing. To hold on to that feeling.

May the streetlight person in each of us have the courage to listen.

Devotional meditation: Have I ever stopped believing–in life, in love, in Journey? When weighed down by the cares of the world, have I let go of that feeling? Have I taken a midnight train going anywhere?

The Secret To Chili Is Good Mooseburger

2009-02-06T14:19:00.001-08:00

These are all quotes from the Esquire Sarah Palin interview . Personally I hope she never goes away. Watching her is almost as fun as watching two midgets in a jousting contest....riding Clydesdales.

"Two meanings in Bristol's name: I worked at the Bristol Inn, and Todd grew up in Bristol Bay. But also, Bristol, Conn., is the home of ESPN. And when I was in high school, my desire was to be a sportscaster. ESPN was just kicking off, just getting off the ground, and I thought that's what I was going to do in life, is be one of the first woman sportscasters. Until I learned that you'd have to move to Bristol, Conn. It was far away. So instead, I had a daughter and named her Bristol."

I just have one question. How much does Bristol suck if you'd rather live in Alaska?

"The secret to chili is you gotta have good mooseburger in there. I don't know if you can get moose commercially in New York. You'd have to come up here and visit me in my home, and I'll prepare it for ya."

Right On! Party at Palin's. Jello Shots and Mooseburgers! I'm gonna get shitfaced and wrestle Todd.

"Maybe it's like when someone says, "I love you, you're perfect the way y'are, now let me change you." And I'm sure Senator McCain had to struggle with some of that, maybe early on in his campaign."

Now read that quote again but picture in your mind that it's about McCain wearing adult diapers.

"Bored, anonymous, pathetic bloggers who lie annoy me."

Shit...so I guess that's a 'no' on Mooseburgers and Todd wrestling?

"We pulled out of some states that I believe we should have continued to campaign in and sent a stronger message that those states really mattered, regardless of the number of electoral votes there. The people mattered. I would have loved to have had more influence on where it was that we campaigned."

Speaking of not pulling out...how's your grandkid?

"A courageous person is anyone who loses a child and can still get out of bed in the morning."

Personally... I would stay up and look for the kid. But I'm silly that way.

"We had flutes and trombones around the house. For my siblings and me, music was important to give us some balance. If it weren't for music, our entire social life, our avocations, all would have had to do with sports."

There is a 'skinflute' and 'rusty trombone' joke lurking around here. But this is a classy blog.

"Running is my sanity. Sweat is my sanity. And that was a
frustration of mine on the campaign trail, when we couldn't carve out a
half an hour or an hour a day to run. The day never went as well as it
would have had I had that time to go sweat."

If you listen closely you can hear Cheney's penis cough.

So Let Me Get This Straight...

2009-02-06T10:24:00.001-08:00

I work my ass off to provide for my family. My wife works her ass off to provide for our family. We are struggling to find affordable health insurance for our daughter who is about to turn a year old. I'd love to put her on my health insurance through my employer; the only problem is that would run me an extra $600 a month. Just for her ... that is not including any other member of my family.

It turns out we went about this all backwards. Instead of getting pregnant, and attempting to raise our children responsibly (you know ... the old fashioned way) I should have just quit my job, or better yet, faked an injury, collected unemployment, moved in with my parents, gotten my wife jacked up on fertility drugs and signed her up for in-vitro fertilizations by the bakers dozen. Rinse repeat.

Cause apparently not only do you get to keep the kids, you get book deals, TV offers, and Anne Curry will come to your house and hang out.

I got a sneak peak of the interview Anne Curry did with Nadya Suleman, the Whittier mom with 927 billion chil…(oops wrong clusterfuck) 14 children, no job, and who has collected over $145 thousand in disability since 1999. It was a fascinating case of how pissed off I can get at an inanimate object such as a radio. She assures us, that she will be able to cover the cost of raising the children on her own. Really Nadya? I have children, two of them. I work 2 jobs and so does my wife and we are barely keeping our heads above water. So I'm wondering how you plan to pull this off? I did the math Nadya and it turns out you're a delusional, psychotically irresponsible cunt who needs to turn the children over to Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt (I hear they're looking again) and then promptly suicide yourself sparing the rest of us the burden of your asinine existence.

But no… instead you'll get book deals. You'll get TV offers, and Anne Curry will hang out at your house. You'll have diaper companies sponsor you, you'll get free clothes, free food, and god knows what kind of assistance from a state that has been run into bankruptcy, in part, because of fucking leeches like yourself. Your story will no doubt inspire like-minded fucktards looking for their fifteen minutes of fame at the expense of children and taxpayers. Your kids will grow up without a father, without stability and will no doubt end up becoming the cast of Celebrity Rehab season 53.

I hate you Nadya…I really, really hate you.

Seriously…this story has gotten me riled up to the point that I am going to break my diet and eat a doughnut in front of a diabetic.

The Weiner Nation

2009-01-30T09:27:00.001-08:00

This was something that I originally posted December 15th, 2004. I wrote it half tongue-in-cheek, half serious. I'll let you decided which is which. The viral effect of the article was impressive – as it got more and more attention, Savage got more and more irate, which amused me to no end. What didn't amuse me was the eventual spamming, sabotaging of the site by Savage supporters and blatant plagiarizing from other writers and radio hosts.

I am re-submitting it for the reason that it needs to be out here. Though the tone is satirical, the facts are real. I in no way, shape or form want anyone to use any of this as a platform for supporting Savage being thrown off the air. That's no fun for anybody. Savage is an intelligent, well spoken and savvy con artist who is entitled to free speech just like the rest of us. I have made some slight updates, added some pics, but otherwise the text remains as it was posted originally.

Thanks,

Marc

It is now 3 p.m. in the Bay Area. On my radio the hard hitting riffs of Metallica's "Master of Puppets" are flowing through my truck's speakers. This anomaly in AM radio can only mean one thing; I am now entering the "Savage Nation!"

I have been listening to Michael Savage for years now. He is truly a fascinating man. Fascinating in the same sense that a guy with projectile leprosy is fascinating. You find yourself utterly appalled, yet captivated.

Savage failing at selling vitamin supplements in the 80's.

You gotta love the name. Michael SAVAGE! It just oozes "tough". Quite the opposite of "Weiner", which, as it turns out, is the name on his birth certificate. That's right. Michael Savage was born Michael Alan Weiner. You can't make this shit up. Any way you slice that irony pie, it's freakin' hilarious. That said, it is remarkable to this writer how this guy is able to take himself as seriously as he does. He has proclaimed himself a prophet; "You leftists have called me every name under the sun except the right name, which is prophet. And I warn you if we don't kick the enemy within out, they're going to kick us out of our own country. Make anything you want out of this cryptic statement I just made; I could care less." (http://homepages.bw.edu/~gbouw/altview.html)

His nationally broadcast show is very popular. Not for the reasons that I think he truly believes it is. He believes that his is a voice of reason in unreasonable times. A man who isn't afraid to ask the real questions, and give us the straight answers that we might be afraid of hearing. Truth is, he's popular because he's fucking crazy. He is so far to the right, the right even thinks he's fucking crazy, and that's impressive. You listen to the "Savage Nation" for the same reason you listen to Howard Stern. Freaky outlandish shit comes out of his mouth. One of my personal favorites happened just the other day. He referred to Ghandi as a "Runty little do-gooder in diapers". Quality stuff.

Before I go any further, I going to make an admission. There are times, however fleeting they may be, where he makes a pretty good argument and I find myself agreeing with him. Such was the case recently when Mr. Savage gave a sermon on the importance of the environment, and its protection. According to Mr. Savage, a true conservative should be the most dedicated environmentalist. He then went on to spin a touching little yarn about putting around the bay in his speedboat and feeling a sense of "oneness" with Pelicans. That's his M.O.: Make a statement or argument that is rational and then follow it up with something completely nonsensical. No offense to pelicans.

I've spent about a week stewing about the presentation of this article. Many hours have been spent digging through research, trying to formulate a strategy. The more I pay attention to this guy the more my brain hurts. Recently I had an epiphany of sorts.

Michael Savage is a homophobe of astronomical proportions. He hates the gays. He hates them to the point where you have to raise an eyebrow and wonder what is going on beneath the surface of his psyche. My theory is this: Michael Savage has some skeletons in his closet, and they are really, really gay. Or as my wife put it, "He's the kinda guy that roams the tenderloin at 3 a.m. looking for the chick with the dick!" That's my girl ... subtle!

Michael's hatred of the gays got him in some hot water and some national attention recently. In 2003 MSNBC picked up "The Savage Nation" in hopes it would serve as a counter punch to FOX's Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity (also radio personalities & complete douchewaffles.) They considered Michael Savage to be an intelligent and refreshing addition. In reality, MSNBC ended up kicking themselves in the proverbial nut-sack.

A prank caller by the name of East Coast Bob called into "The Savage Nation" to plug his favorite radio morning show. Here is the dialogue:

BOB FOSTER: ... I need to suggest that Don and Mike [a Washington, D.C.-area radio duo] should take over your show so you can go to a dentist appointment, because your teeth are really bad.

SAVAGE: So you're one of those sodomists. Are you a sodomite?

FOSTER: Yes, I am.

SAVAGE: Oh, you're one of the sodomites. You should only get AIDS and die, you pig. How's that? Why don't you see if you can sue me, you pig. You got nothing better than to put me down, you piece of garbage? You have got nothing to do today, go eat a sausage and choke on it. Get trichinosis. Okay, do we have another nice caller here who's busy because he didn't have a nice night in the bathhouse, who's angry at me today? Get me another one. Put another sodomite on.

Wow! You know, that was refreshing. Thanks MSNBC, that'll save me that .65 cents I was gonna blow on a Fresca.

Needless to say Mr. Savage received his pink slip. As is the norm for Savage, he places the blame on everyone except himself and feels justified in his remarks after enduring such a "Vicious personal attack!"

Mr. Savage tried to play the free speech card, which is funny considering his recent lawsuits against three websites that continuously bash him (www.savagestupidity.com, www.takebackthemedia.com, www.michaelsavagesucks.com .) The lawsuits were seen for what they were, frivolous and desperate, and thrown out of court.

In 1986 Mr. Savage wrote a book entitled "Maximum Immunity" in which he states the need for gays to accept the blame for the AIDS epidemic. When questioned about this in a 2003 article in GQ his response was this; "I'm not going to deal with the salacious issues that these faggots come up with," he told me. "If I know a gay, suddenly everyone's gay? It's disgusting! Should I drop my pants so you can take a look at my dick to see if I'm a Jew?"

Whoa there big fella.

In the late sixties Michael spent a lot of time with, of all people, Alan Ginsberg. "He was like a Rabbi to me." He says of the relationship.

Savage (on the right) in the 60's

While spending time in Fiji, Savage hung out with the beat crowd including Neeli Cherkovski (an open homosexual), and Lawrence Ferlinghetti (co-founder of the City Lights Bookstore.) He began writing seemingly autobiographical short stories revolving around a character named Samuel Trueblood. They were published in 1983 and they all owe something to the beat influence of Ginsberg and Ferlinghetti. Like Savage, Trueblood was of humble Jewish origin with dreams of becoming a, "serious writer who would write popular books on eating the right foods, how not to get swindled and government corruption." If you actually read the stories, however, you find some interesting passages such as this one written in Honolulu 1973, "Ever since his early teens he had been plagued with questions about his sexuality - am I gay, or am I straight?' he would wonder endlessly." A first-person Trueblood story written seven years later in California states that Trueblood knows his skirt-chasing "may be a homosexuality unlived, of that I am aware. So what? I choose to override my desires for men when they swell in me, waiting out the passions like a storm, below decks. It is simply a matter of seeing what it's like to fight a "weakness."

When asked about these passages in the before mentioned GQ article Savage gives us this; "Everyone has some latent homosexual feelings. It doesn't mean you have to act on them."

He passes off the abuse at Abu Ghraib with this jewel that has become my personal favorite; "These are tough interrogations?" Savage asked. "My father put me through tougher interrogations when I was 16!"

That actually explains a whole lot.

This is a letter from Savage (then still going by his birth name of Weiner) to Alan Ginsberg from the Ginsberg Special Collections Library at Stanford University;

"Dear Allen Ginsberg,

Watched a tourist from New Zealand taking pictures of Fijian people in the marketplace " thought of inserting my cameras lens in your A hole to photograph the walls of your rectum.

I really do apologize But the thought did occur.

Michael Weiner

(Indians, originally brought here as sugar slaves-500 in number in 1879 now total over 250,000, more than 50% of total population & outnumber Fijians by 40,000. Thus a rare blend in markets on streets, etc. Very unholy in terms of aggressiveness.
(addressed to) Mr. Allen Ginsberg"

Have I made my point clear? He's gay (In my humble opinion). GAY! GAY! GAY! Effin-Ghey!!!

On to Bigotry ...

Michael Savage seems to have a deep resentment for anyone who isn't white. He has founded the "Paul Revere Society" which boasts the protection of Border, Language and Culture. How does he propose to protect these sacred core American Values? Racial profiling, deportation of any "un-pure" Americans (which is interesting coming from a guy whose parents were immigrants) and cutting off all immigration into the U.S, "To keep those who wish to impose their cultural trappings on us, out."

It seems Michael Savage's light is slowly flickering out. More and More sponsors are dropping him, more and more stations are dropping him, and if you listen to his show you can actually hear him lose his mind a little bit more each day. To sum it up I give you a story that took place near my home town (Courtesy of www.chronwatch.com ):

Written by Ira Simmons

Michael Savage Should Be Ashamed

Saturday, January 31, 2004

Of all the topics that I write about on Chronwatch, none cause more controversy than my pieces about talk show host Michael Savage. In addition to the expected criticism from liberal special interest groups who troll Internet search engines for Savage stories, and also the one trick pony who regularly creates topics in our ChronWatch Forum Section that accuse the Jewish-born Savage of ''Jew-baiting,'' we also receive postings and e-mail messages from conservatives who don't appreciate the Savage fire-breathing style, his often knee-jerk approach to news stories, and outright screwy stances on certain issues of the day, i.e. Kobe Bryant.

In covering Michael Savage for nearly 10 years from his rise on local radio through his national syndication deal, I have basically been fair and usually gave him the benefit of the doubt when there has been controversy. But that may of all changed as a result of nasty remarks he made on his Thursday show.

Regular ChronWatch readers may be aware of a controversy at a high school in Rohnert Park, California, about 50 miles north of the Golden Gate Bridge. Although the Los Angeles Times described it as a typical suburban bedroom community, Rohnert Park--along with neighboring Petaluma and Sebastapol--have regularly passed such temper-tantrum style resolutions as establishing a ''nuclear free zone,'' refusing to cooperate with the Patriot Act, and opposing the War In Iraq.

Obviously not comfortable with the political environment on his campus, Tim Bueler, a 17-year-old junior at Rancho Cotati High School started a conservative club. But Bueler soon ran afoul of liberal teachers and administrators when his newsletter called for a crackdown on ''every Muhammad, Jamul, and Jose who wishes to leave his third world state to come to America, mostly illegally.'' Bueler defended his rhetoric, saying: ''We feel that (extreme) liberalism is a mental disorder and they attack family, faith, country, and military. And these are bullies we're dealing with and we need to fight against them and this is why we've come out so strong.'' The Conservative Club's motto is ''Protecting our Borders, Language, and Culture.''

Anybody who is a listener of the Savage Nation knows that these expressions come straight from the mouth of Michael Savage. Bueler told the Los Angeles Times that Savage is ''the voice of reason. He's my hero.''

On his Thursday TV show, Bill O'Reilly interviewed Bueler for his three minute ''Back of the Book'' segment. And it was O'Reilly, not the student, who broached the comment of ''liberalism is a mental disorder.'' The interview concluded with O'Reilly telling Bueler not to be a ''bomb-thrower'' but to let him know if school authorities continue their harassment.

Apparently, Michael Savage was watching this interview while doing his radio show. But instead of lauding the young man for sharing his views and challenging liberal authority, Savage proceeded to go ballistic on the air, accusing the kid of stealing his lines and threatening to sue both Bueler and his parents for ripping him off his ''intellectual property.''

So the critics who have continually reviled him can now add the adjectives ''small'' and ''petty'' to their descriptions of Michael Savage. Of course, long time listeners know that a few years ago he threatened to sue George W. Bush because his campaign used the term ''compassionate conservative,'' something that Savage claims he coined back in 1994 when he started in radio. What he doesn't know, or refuses to admit, is that ''compassionate conservative'' was used years before, by former Congressman Bob Dornan among others.

Rather than publicly ''savage" a 17-year-old kid who obviously worships him, maybe Michael Savage should visit Bueler's school and lend support, at least morally, and perhaps even legally should it become necessary. But I'm not holding my breath. Politics aside, in truth Michael Savage is really not much different than the ''red diaper doper babies'' he forever rails against: arrogant, snobby (a Marin County resident driving to Sonoma, are you kidding?) and looking down at the unwashed masses.

Tim Bueler deserves better from his ''hero.''

Grand Master Helio Gracie Passes.

2009-01-29T15:24:00.001-08:00

Helio Gracie, the father of Gracie jiu-jitsu, is dead at the age of 95. Gracie passed in his sleep early Thursday in Itaipaiva, Rio de Janeiro, after he had been admitted to a local hospital a few days prior for stomach problems.

“He passed the way he always wanted to –- quick and fast,” said an immediate relative, who asked not to be identified. The relative said Gracie’s body would be buried on Thursday.

The youngest of Cesalina and Gastao Gracie’s eight children, he learned traditional jiu-jitsu by watching his brother, Carlos, teach it, but his small frame made it difficult for him to execute the moves. As a result, he adapted techniques to fit his limited physical ability and gave rise to modern-day Brazilian jiu-jitsu.

...

His impact on the sport of mixed martial arts was profound. His son, Rorion, was credited with developing the concept that became the Ultimate Fighting Championship, and another of his sons, Royce, won the first two UFC tournaments in 1993 and 1994. Two other sons, Rickson and Royler, also competed in MMA.

http://www.mixedmartialarts.com

Northern California Cops Are Brilliant!

2009-01-29T10:10:00.001-08:00

There is very little about this story that I don't find amusing.

Suspect probably gone before 29-hour siege began

MARK ARONOFF/THE PRESS DEMOCRAT
SWAT team members with the Sonoma County Sheriff's Department watch a home as others try to make contact with the suspect.

By LAURA NORTON
THE PRESS DEMOCRAT

Published: Wednesday, January 28, 2009 at 4:51 a.m.
Last Modified: Wednesday, January 28, 2009 at 11:03 p.m.

SWAT team members stormed a Guerneville home Wednesday but found the triplex empty.
More Photos:
Guerneville Stand-off

Click to enlarge
An arrow sticks out of the roof of a car in Guerneville. The arrow was shot, striking a man inside the car, leading to a standoff between the suspected shooter and law enforcement officers.

The forced entry came 29 hours after law enforcement authorities circled the Mill Street residence and twice sent rounds of tear gas and diversion devices into the structure in attempts to make contact with a man thought to be holed up inside.

The man, identified by law enforcement officials as Sean Gallon, 30, is suspected of shooting an arrow into a vehicle, piercing the top and causing minor injury to an occupant.

He remained at large Wednesday night.

SWAT teams from the Sonoma County Sheriff’s Department and the Santa Rosa Police Department took part in the response that kept residents away from their homes for more than a day.

Nearby restaurants also were closed. Rankled owners and managers lost two days of business but did not blame the Sheriff’s Department.

“It’s been two days of hell,” said Gregory Gajues, manager of the Russian River Resort. “At least it all ended well. Nobody got hurt. The sheriffs took all the precautions they needed too.”

The standoff began at about 1 p.m. Tuesday when Gallon’s brother told sheriff’s officials that the suspect was barricaded in the three-story home’s refurbished attic.

SWAT personnel and Gallon’s father made pleas on a megaphone that Gallon leave the house and surrender.

The SWAT team’s demands became more insistent throughout Wednesday morning, with an officer calling out: “It’s not too late to get ahold of me. Give me a call and let me know that you’re all right.”

And 15 minutes later, a voice again called: “pick up the phone.”

“We can get this all squared away,” the SWAT team promised.

But it is likely that the house had been empty since before authorities arrived, said Lt. Greg Miller of the Sonoma County Sheriff’s Department.

On Wednesday afternoon multiple cannisters of tear gas were fired into the home and flashbang grenades were fired. Windows on the third floor were broken, apparently by tear gas cannisters, and officers used the opportunity to toss in telephones for Gallon to use to contact them.

“Usually there would be some type of reaction, a noise or some sign of movement. But there’s been nothing,” said Capt. Matt McCaffrey after deputies fired diversion devices and tear gas into the triplex.

“There’s a certain point when we have to make an approach. But right now we’re hunkered down in wait-and-see,” he said about 3 p.m.

At 5 p.m., SWAT team members went into the house, checking each floor as they made their way to the attic.

“He’s not here. We have no idea how he got out. He must have left the perimeter before we arrived on scene," Miller said.

Miller said the search for the suspect will continue. He’s wanted for questioning in the case now classified as assault with a deadly weapon.

“We don’t have any idea why he did this," Sheriff’s Sgt. Mike Raasch said Tuesday evening.

The arrow hit James McNeil in the back of the head. He suffered a headache and a lump on his head.

McNeil and a friend had been sitting in a Mazda convertible parked across the street from the Gallon residence for about five minutes when the crossbow arrow hit the car at about 12:30 p.m., Raasch said. The arrow lodged part way through the car’s soft top.

“I was sitting with my friend in the convertible, and it came through the roof and hit me in the back of the head,” McNeil said. “I looked at my friend and said ‘We’re being attacked. Take off!’”

Relieved residents gathered at the Russian River Resort bar Wednesday evening as the county armored vehicles rolled away from Guerneville.

Luis Lowenberg was overjoyed to be reunited with his dog and Vesta Griffith was happy knowing her five-year-old daughter would be able to change her clothes before going to school today.

Lowenberg, Griffith and others applauded the work of the Sheriff’s Department.

“I know it’s expensive,” Lowenberg said. “But it’s better than somebody being dead.”

NAKED MAN WALKING

2009-01-28T21:58:00.001-08:00

One of my friends posted some sappy shit on Facebook the other day and I felt compelled to follow the link "cause sappy shit" isn't usually the norm for this individual. In his own words, "It touched my sensitive bone." *snicker*

He posted a link to a cause invitation entitled "I am Walking". I browsed it over and noticed a name I hadn't thought of in many, many years. Christopher Howe.

I grew up with Chris in Novato, California. Chris, in his pre-teen years, was a troublemaker who went with the white suburbanite gangster look. He could throw an 80mph fastball in little league and this propelled him into legendary status among his peers. He would later regain this status … but for a far different reason.

Chris disappeared for a few years and then showed up one day at our high school looking like a Grateful Dead roadie reject. His hobbies included, weed, more weed, 'shrooms, and then weed. Chris had mellowed out, no longer played baseball, and spent his free time searching for his cosmic purpose and his definition of self.

The opportunity would come our Junior year. During Spirit Week, each day was dedicated to a different theme – one day you would dress like a faculty member, another day you would mock various minority groups (nothing says school spirit like unintentional racism,) and on this particular day you were supposed to come to school wearing what you woke up in. It was called "Come as you are day." Sounds innocent enough sans the fact that Chris slept in the nude.

Chris had been telling us for a week that he was gonna show up butt naked. Some doubted him but those that doubted Chris didn't really know him. He honestly, genuinely, & whole-heartedly did not give a fuck.

On a sunny Wednesday morning Chris showed up at the front of the school wearing a backpack, a stoner grin, and nothing else. He began his journey to class, wang flapping around with each step he took. The stunned silence soon was broken by a shrill scream from a female faculty member who exited a classroom and was greeted to the site of Chris' dangling twig and berries. Chris was kind enough to pause and let her take it all in. This was followed by uproarious laughter and more shrieks from impressionable young girls.

One of the football coaches ended up tackling Chris and dragging him into the office. I had a previous engagement with the Vice Principal so I had the distinct pleasure of being present for the events that transpired thereafter.

Though the faculty tried to put Chris in a blanket, he refused. It was hot out. So there was Chris, butt naked in the office, lounging on a plastic chair, literally sticking his balls in the face of authority. They tried to manhandle Chris, but he stood his ground. They hollered, they screamed … Chris just sat there nonchalantly adjusting his nuts.

Eventually the police came. They had more luck with getting Chris in a blanket, eventually tossed him in the back of a squad car. That would be the last time that anyone saw Chris at San Marin High.

Fast forward a few years and I'm working at the Phoenix Theater in Petaluma, CA. I'm roaming around outside looking for hooligans up to shenanigans and guess who I run into? Did you guess Chris? You're so smart...

Chris had been bouncing back and forth between Northern California and Oregon. Living his life his way. Not complaining, not compromising, and not apologizing. Though he reeked of smoke & patchouli oil....I had to respect him. Chris hung around town for a bit and then disappeared again....until yesterday.

Back to Facebook.

So I follow the Facebook page to his website and there I am treated to a video of what Chris has been up to.

Check it out here & then come on back:

Chris Is Walking....A Lot.

For those of you too lazy to go to the site:

iAMwalking.org movie from Christopher Howe on Vimeo.

None of that surprised me. Not even in the slightest. Well...I was mildly surprised at the part where Chri's girlfriend said he had quit his job – 'cause I was surprised that he had a job. Why? Well ... as we just learned, Chris is the kind of guy who will quit his job, take off on foot for Brazil with a backpack full of prayers soley to motivate the rest of us to get off our ass and do something. Again (despite the cynic in me)... I have to respect that.

I don't know a whole lot of people with that kind of conviction. I don't know of too many people that would even attempt something like that ... much less pull it off. Even the people that I do know that could pull something like that off, would never attempt it unless they were armed to the fucking teeth.

His arrival in Brazil is tenatively set for December 8th, 2009. I'll be making updates of his progress throughout the year.

God Speed Chris ... you crazy fucking hippie. :)

Quick Thought.

2009-01-28T08:14:00.001-08:00

So we all know that President Obama's $825 billion dollar economic stimulus package will be put before the House today. I don't agree with a lot of it but I'll leave that to others to bitch and moan about. It is what it is.

No...I'd rather take the time now to give a well deserved golf clap to Obama for a savvy political move. The house Republicans decided unanimously days ago that there was no way in hell this stimulus package would get their support. Obama had a meeting with the house Republicans yesterday and I'm going to venture a guess that he was well aware of this.

As suspected he didn't swing any support his way but what he did do was make the Republicans, look like complete douchebags. Then he invited everyone over for drinks. Cause nothing compliments a senate raping like alcohol.

Well played sir....well played.

Here's a picture of Canadians applauding. This is a simulation of what I suspect guilty white liberals look like when Obama does....anything.

One Of My Old Favorites.

2009-01-21T13:23:00.001-08:00

Originally Posted: Wednesday, April 06, 2005

The Lone Ranger rides again, & the death of talk radio!

I'm not going to listen to talk radio anymore. I'm going Cold Turkey. My day usually begins with a short trip to my sons' pre-school. Most of the time our drive is filled with the sounds of a local semi-conservative talk duo that tend to amuse me. From time to time my son will request a sprightly Motorhead tune, which reminds me just how lame I've become. By the way, my son is four.

Today I decided enough of talk radio. I have an addictive personality, and it's a crutch. I have forsaken booze (Wine doesn't count. It's Jesus approved), drugs, and yet lately have embraced political analogies from the perspective of people who make a living pandering to the ideologies of the incontinent, the pseudo-intellectuals, and people such as myself, who fall somewhere in between. What the hell is wrong with me? When did this happen?

"A change of pace is in order !" I shouted to no one in particular. The answer to my conundrum lie on the bench seat of my truck, underneath the multitude of crap that inevitably congregates in my vehicles. Behold! A "Classical Thunder" selection from the good people at Time Life. A quick glance and the mood was set.

"Saddle up kimosabe. It is time to ride!" was the proclamation back in the house, made to the child curled up on the living room sofa, blanky in one hand, sippy cup in the other. He made no audible acknowledgment of my presence. Just a quick glance which seemed to say, "Seriously...dude. you're an ass." and his attention was back to the giant shape shifting robots on the television. Damn those robots! I was under the impression that I had reached a plateau in my life where Decepticons would no longer be an issue. Yet, still they mock me.

After a few whines, grunts and eye rolls, we found ourselves buckled up, and ready to go. We sat in the driveway at a motionless idle. My eyes were locked on my son, eyebrow cocked, my smirk growing larger. A deafening silence filled the cabin. He had no idea what was in store. Then, it began. Softly at first, steadily growing; my son's eyes showed the promise of a genuine glimmer. By the time the "William Tell Overture" was in full swing, we were throttling down McDowell Blvd with a gusto that could only be understood by a four year old - and a 27 year old who desperately yearns to be a four year old. I was bouncing in my seat as though I was the masked desperado in full gallop, windows down, guns blazing. Propriety be damned! At my side, my trusty sidekick, who by now had picked up what I was throwing down, and was galloping along with me clutching imaginary reins with a furious might. To my left, an unsuspecting trophy wife in an Escalade, sipping a styrofoam cradled latte'. A look of horror engulfed her painted face, as is often the reaction to our war cry. The only thing that would have made this more entertaining would have been a chance encounter with a traffic cop. Alas, we would have no such luck. But fear not, for on the 'morrow we shall ride again!

"Change? Hmmmmm....."

2009-01-21T08:31:00.000-08:00

If you're viewing this on facebook click the blog link to view the video.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Changefest '09 - Obama's Inaugural Speech

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Peace Through Superior Firepower.

2009-01-20T19:28:00.000-08:00

I lifted this video from one of my favorite guilty pleasure sites: www.wwtdd.com

This is the GMC Yukon XL that follows the presidential limo. It comes equipped with the the Dillon M134D Gatling Gun, a six barreled, electrically driven machine gun chambered in 7.62mm, capable of firing 4,000 rounds per minute.

And yes....It kind of made my wiener twitch a little.

Obama's Inauguration Speech Full Transcript

2009-01-20T11:53:00.000-08:00

My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. I thank President Bush for his service to our nation, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.

Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because we the people have remained faithful to the ideals of our forebears, and true to our founding documents.

So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans.

That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age.

Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.

These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our land — a nagging fear that America’s decline is inevitable, and that the next generation must lower its sights.

Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America — they will be met.

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.

On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics.

We remain a young nation, but in the words of scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.

In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted — for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things — some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.

For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life.

For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.

For us, they fought and died, in places like Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sahn.

Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.

This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions — that time has surely passed. Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.

For everywhere we look, there is work to be done. The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act — not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology’s wonders to raise health care’s quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age.

All this we can do.

And all this we will do.

Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions — who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans.

Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage.

What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them — that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works — whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. And those of us who manage the public’s dollars will be held to account — to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day — because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.

Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control — and that a nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous. The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our gross domestic product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on our ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart — not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good.

As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our founding fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience’s sake. And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

We are the keepers of this legacy. Guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort — even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. We will begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people, and forge a hard-earned peace in Afghanistan. With old friends and former foes, we will work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat, and roll back the specter of a warming planet. We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you.

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus — and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.

To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society’s ills on the West — know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.

To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world’s resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.

As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us today, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages. We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. And yet, at this moment — a moment that will define a generation — it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.

For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter’s courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent’s willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.

Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends — hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism — these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility — a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.

This is the price and the promise of citizenship.

This is the source of our confidence — the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.

This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed — why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.

So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America’s birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned.

The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people: “Let it be told to the future world ... that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive...that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet (it).”

America, in the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children’s children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God’s grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.

Dear Mr. Obama,

2009-01-18T22:09:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Obama,

I write this as a man who cannot connect with your story. I grew up half french, half Irish, with no real connection, or real curiosity to my roots. I write this as a boy who grew up in a balance of poverty, abuse, love and privilege. But mostly, I write this as a father, a husband, and a patriot that still hangs on to thread of hope for the country that I have always called my home. I ask you to stop.

Stop towing the party line. Stop bowing down to the Democrats, the Clinton's, the Kennedy's, The Pelosi's, ... and whoever else might be holding your leash. I ask you to step forward into this presidency with the same attitude that you brought to the podium in 2004. Use that strength....embrace it.

As Americans....as citizens of the world, we can only hope to achieve what you have so eloquently alluded to in your speeches. Hope.

Hope that we have the audacity to stop caving into political correctness and start utilizing common sense. Hope...that we can see beyond the fact that you are the first "African American" president and the reality that you are, quite possibly, the last hope for a generation. The fact that you have managed to captivate an entire nation puts you in the unique position to actually make a difference. A position that the future of this country has never seen in it's lifetime. I ask you...as a skeptic and as a realist....don't waste it.

I come from a state that is going broke. Potentially good kids are starved of an education to satisfy the bottom line. The bottom line is starved to feed the needs of the greedy, and the rest of us cling to whatever it is we have left. Be that ideals, guns, old cars, drugs, or otherwise...we as a people are growing desperate.

Not so long ago I heard a prevalent radio talk show host state that you would never win the nomination, much less the presidency. The reason being...."The old stock that haven't registered to vote in 20 years would come out and vote against you....simply because you are black."

You have proved that the "old stock" died out with Reagan. You have proved a changing of the guard. Now the only question that remains is, what are you gong to do with this responsibility?

You represent an entire generation that has been disillusioned, disenchanted, and utterly disenfranchised from the American dream. They believe it doesn't exist....yet they believe in you. What do you plan to do for them? When the lights go dim and Bruce Springsteen sets his sights on a European tour.....what will you do for us?

What will you do beyond the promises and the press conferences that we have all seen from all the would be prophets before you? What will you do to not only cross party lines, but make them understand that beyond their politics they are all the same? What will you do to live up to your hype that so many seem to depend on?

What can you do for your country?

I don't envy you Mr. Obama. You have been left with a world torn and a country divided. The one equilibrium seems to be you. I cannot begin to imagine what that responsibility must feel like. However... Beyond the Democrats and the GOP...others look to you for strength. Others like me. The ones who are disillusioned to the process. The ones who hear your words and want to believe them, but experience, and the luxury of being able to pay attention...teaches us otherwise.

What will yo do for them?

"Yes we can!"

Who is "We"...think about it. It's not as black and white as so many of your constituency might think.

God Bless The United States of America.

Marc "Tex" Terrell

For the record...

This was posted with out my editor and I've had a couple of glasses of wine so please excuse any grammatical errors.

Inauguration Update.

2009-01-18T20:28:00.000-08:00

As of right now I have not heard anything from my contact in Washington D.C.

I emailed her, called her, and I have heard nothing.

Frankly....I'm a little worried. Hopefully I'll hear something soon and be able to share it with whoever the fuck reads this.

Good Day.

Yo Mama 08' Pt. 2

2009-01-14T18:43:00.000-08:00

Originally this was going to be just an update from DC.

As of yesterday my contact received 3 tickets for the inauguration from an aide to a California Senator.

So starting Tuesday all updates will be from the actual inauguration ceremony.

Check in starting Saturday & Spread the word.

Many Thanks,

Marc

Tales From The Jaded

2009-01-12T15:35:00.001-08:00

If you happen to be one of those individuals who validates the words of financial commentators on various news networks, I want you to do something for me: get up from wherever you're at now, walk to the closest mirror and take a real long hard look at the image staring back. Then, raise your right hand, close your eyes ... and slap the shit out of yourself.

Over the past several years as the price of gas has climbed to ridiculous highs, and then seemingly overnight dropped back down to what we consider normal, I have had this theory:

"They're fucking with us."

This has nothing to do with what's going on in the middle east; this has nothing to do with the pipelines in the Gulf of Mexico; this has nothing, absolutely NOTHING to do with supply and demand. This has everything to do with corporate manipulators trying to find the breaking point so they can settle into a happy medium.

What do I mean by "happy medium"? I'll tell you. Over the past several years we have seen the price of gas climb steadily. We bitched, we moaned, but we put up with it, cause hey ... we got places to go. Over time though, gas got to the point where our entire social structure started to shift. Every car commercial was suddenly all about fuel economy, people started using public transportation, riding bikes, buying gay little scooters. Yahoo released widgets that would look up the cheapest gas in any given zip code. Then – after we had all just about had enough – the miraculous happened. Gas went down to $1.75 and there was much rejoicing. Unless of course, you actually stopped to think about why or how something like that could happen. How could prices shift that much in such a short period of time? Well ... they never had any legitimate reason to climb in the first place. In case you haven't figured it out, I'm going to let you in on a little secret: our economy is based largely upon speculation in the market and it's easily manipulated. Over the years regarding the rise in gasoline, we have heard/read such gems as, "Refinery Shut Downs", "The Rise of Crude Oil", "Refineries Running At Capacity", "Seasonal Demand Growth" & "Persistent Refinery Outages."

This is all complete bullshit.

Over the past eight years we have been witness to price gouging, and market manipulation. Period. Throughout the Bush Jr. administration there has been no government regulation on the 10 companies, which control 81% of the nations oil refineries. All those nifty little quotes up above are all deliberate on the part of the oil companies and allow them to adjust gas prices as they see fit. The more strained the refineries? The more money goes in their pockets. Which is why we've seen these companies record astronomical profits.

During the 2006 Elections, when there was a slight threat that a – shudder – Democrat might win the White House ... gas dropped .82 in four weeks.

"Look John Q Public – things aren't really that bad under this administration; here's proof that things are looking a little brighter!" says Big Oil.

Kerry Loses.

Guess what happens to gas prices?

Cue Global recession.

In walks Obama.

"The party's over Big Oil! Ha!!!! We have you now! Obama, the savior, will raise the mighty presidential pimp hand and rein it down upon you with furious ferocity!!!", one might say. You know who you are.

Not so fast....

This is Big Oil. Not small, medium, frente, tall, grande, or venti oil. This is ... "got more money than God, tentacles on every politician, shit comes to a grinding halt if you don't appease us, if capitalism had a face we would be the fucking Cloverfield monster" ... BIG FUCKING OIL. They own us. In one way or another they own us –they know it & they like it that way.

Granted, we might see some regulation. It was a good run while it lasted. When all is said and done (here I go speculating) gas is going to average out around $3.50. That’s low-balling it. Which is guess what? The happy medium they were looking for in the first place.

Oh … and when are the next elections? 2010? We have a democratic controlled congress with a 17% approval rating last I checked. Sweet…

But I never went to college. So what the fuck do I know?

For the record; I don’t expect any of this to be any sort of revelation to anyone. I just watched 60 minutes last night, which ran a story backing me up, and this is my way of gloating.

YoMama '08

2009-01-09T15:38:00.001-08:00

Just a heads up...

Something very cool will be coming to my shitty little corner of the interweb. A friend of mine will be making the pilgrimage to DC for the inauguration via a 55 hour luxury bus trip. What does this mean to you?

It means that we will have the entire event documented here. Photos, write ups, vids, and the sheer spectacle of humanity that will be January 20th 2009.

Good Day.

February 7th, 2008

2009-01-09T10:44:00.000-08:00

It was probably the last few moments of solitude I would get for the next several hours. My wife, who had been in the early stages of labor all morning, had gone to use the restroom. I had at the very least, a few minutes to get focused. I shadow boxed. Light on my feet, popping the vertebrae with neck rolls. I snapped the jab, threw a few elbows, clinched an imaginary opponent and threw up a few knees. I had not trained in over a year, but at this moment I felt as though I could go five rounds with a mid-carder in the cage at an Indian casino. Which, considering my current cardio state, speaks volumes. This wasn't a case of nerves; it was game time and there was no going back – so I might as well get serious.

This was the culmination of 9 months of natural birthing books, Bradley classes, sleepless nights, endless speculation and a complete sense of terror. When my wife emerged from the restroom she paused, gave me a glance, and informed me that the facilities had overflowed. We were off...

The contractions continued, each one more intense than the last. I had resolved not to comment, nor give my opinion on how to deal with the pain. I had absolutely no reference. Nay ... considering what this woman was about to go through? I had no right. I could only give encouragement and praise. This woman was about to pass a tiny human being through her body without the slightest bit of pain medication and I was responsible. God help me.

Over the months I thought I had become somewhat of an authority on natural birth. I had seen videos of women doing things that are hard to describe unless you are able to see them in their proper context. I have heard the urban legend about some stripper in Tijuana that can juggle ping pong balls with her nay nay ... but I have SEEN footage of a woman in the Philippines that shot a kid out a good 5 to 6 feet. By the end of my education, I was in awe at the capabilities of a vagina ... and slightly terrified.

However educated I might have thought I was, absolutely nothing can possibly prepare you for the actual event. My best advice to any aspiring father who has to walk the same road I did (natural birth – none of that "hospital and drugs" shit) is this: shut your fucking mouth and do what you are told. If the midwife tells you to massage your wife? Do it. If you are instructed to provide verbal encouragement? Do it. But keep the talking to minimum – if you start getting preachy or cocky your wife will beat the living shit out of you. She is not under the influence of body numbing narcotics and she is not restrained. She is completely in tune with her body and will strike you down with the wrath of almighty God. If you are instructed to recite poetry or sing Jim Croce ... just fucking do it and do it with a comforting smile on your face.

I impressed myself. I kept it together. Despite the unfamiliar primal moaning, the unknown, the random spectators (mainly consisting of nursing students), and the fact that my child was about to be born in a jacuzzi, I kept myself in check. The reality had kicked in,"This isn't about you anymore. Right now it's about this woman in front of you and in a few minutes it's going to be about your son/daughter." (We decided to keep the sex a surprise.)

Just as I had gotten into my groove of trying to keep my wife relaxed, the midwife spoke up.

"Marc ... I need you over here now. It's time."

I didn't think. I just reacted. Do what you're told. I came around to the front of the tub and was greeted by the sight of the head. As if I had been in denial the past nine months, my first thought was, "Holy shit ... this is actually happening."

The next few moments are relatively blurry – and I think it's designed to be that way. It is a fact that a woman's body will kick in and supply a chemical reaction that will help the woman deal with the pain. This is the main argument with natural birth as opposed to a hospital birth. In this day and age, when it comes down to it, women by and large forget that their bodies are custom designed for childbirth. They want drugs, they want epidurals, they want c-sections, they want every option possible so that they don't have to experience the experience. Usually this comes with little regard for what effect all this has on the child. Which is why most newborns will remain in the hospital for a few days. We ... were home in 8 hours. There is also a theory that a chemical reaction triggers something in the woman's brain to help her forget the actual pain & turmoil of the experience. Euphoria and maternal instinct take over, which allows them to do the process over again, and I think there is something similar that happens to the father if he puts himself in the trenches. Despite the horror stories we all (men) hear amongst one another; despite the fluids, and various natural processes which one might consider unpleasant, there are two things that over shadow every other detail of that day:

The midwife announcing to my wife that she needs to think of a name for her baby girl.

The midwife handing me my daughter who promptly buried her tiny head into my chest.

A Must Read!

2009-01-08T17:58:00.000-08:00

I first stumbled upon Marty Beckerman while browsing through a Hunter S. Thompson fan-site. The site had a brief review of Marty's new book 'Dumbocracy' with a small excerpt that caught my attention. I clicked the link to Marty's website and started poking around. I found an interview he did with Mr. Thompson in 2003 where Mr. Thompson described Marty thusly:

"You Morbid Little Bastard...."

Mr. Beckerman ... you had me at hello.

I put the book on my Christmas list and Santa was kind enough to deliver it ... despite the fact that Marty is a Jew.

The book is about the adventures of Mr. Beckerman putting himself in harms way for our benefit – he went to pro-life rallies in DC; engaged the gnarliest of radical feminist she-beasts, and he braved the uber-Christians at the Republican National Convention in New York City in 2004. From radical environmentalists to the Phelps clan, Marty suffered for his craft. He even chronicles a trip to Israel in which he sets out on a personal quest to find God and accidentally poses naked for Asian tourists.

The point to this book is to illustrate that the extremist sect of both sides are – at their very core – virtually identical. One side wants to ban evolution, the other wants to limit how many squares of toilet paper you can use to wipe your ass. It's asinine, it's scary, and these people are very, very real.

Marty has a gift for being able to seamlessly blend sophomoric humor and brilliant insight. He paints a picture of a nation that has a tendency to allow itself to be shaped by the views of radicals and the rest of us – the majority – are left wondering that age old question ...'What the fuck?!?!'

Not only do I recommend this book, but if it were up to me it would be required reading.

Marty went through more than his fair share of turmoil to get this thing published, so I request that you help the guy out by picking up a copy. I promise you, regardless of your political stance ... You'll thank me for it.

Pick up a copy of 'Dumbocracy' here!

Marty's website. Check his 'Columns' section.

I'm Back!

2009-01-07T16:23:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to lie to you ... any of you. Well OK ... maybe some of you. The sole purpose of this site is to whore my opinions and myself out to the public. Most of what I write I will then copy and peddle shamelessly to any publication that might consider me. I will cover a vast array of topics ranging from politics, family life, baseball, some MMA, as well as some completely nonsensical crap that needs to be spewed from my head.

This will not be the first time I have ventured into the wonderful world of inter-web ramblings. The last time the site was active (it was hacked and eventually put to sleep a few years back) it lit the fuse on the tampon of one the top-rated radio talk-show hosts in the country (Hi Mr. Weiner!) ... and got me a nice little bit of attention.

However – I'm now tired of doing this shit for free just to have some fucktard with a radio show steal it and try to get a ratings boost. So fuck you Mark Levin. You're next.

I hope you will come back time and time again. I hope that you will contribute. I hope that you will tell a friend (preferably one that works in media) and that you will be willing to provide feedback as long as you don't mind me humiliating you if I think you're a douchewaffle.

Think Free. Fuck the bastards.